The past five years that I have lived in Utah, I shutter at the thought of going out in the cold. Living in warm climate places such as Arizona, Hawaii and Brazil have spoiled me to the point that I have a hard time enjoying cold. I use to ski, snow shoe, camp in snow caves, loved to sled, and enjoyed other various winter activities- now I just hibernate indoors like a bear waiting the long winter out.
I over came being a winter fud and felt the need to get outdoors. I bundled up as warm as I could, put on a babushka shapka and ventured out to stomp around in the snow and brush up on my target practice.
Watch out Annie Oakley-
January 10, 2009
This past week Alexis and Olivia left for an extended time to go to Kenya with their Mom. It's been a growing time for both Stephen and myself as a couple. The night they left I came home and Stephen and I started shoveling snow, I think it was more to take our mind off of the hard emotions we were left with in saying good bye. As we finished our task, and Stephen went in, I diligently stayed and continued with my chore and my thoughts. I looked up to view the snow that fell upon me, I wondered "why?" then realized that the each flake that fell was symbolic of how people are- each so unique, we all have our own direction, place and purpose.
It was not easy to see the girls leave, but I think back to my childhood years spent in disharmony as my parents battled 4 years over the custody of children, and the divorce reality between Chandler's Dad and myself. In careful observation I have come to realize that children are not possessions, we don't own our children, they shouldn't be toyed with as if an object, and it is easy to lose sight of that during divorce differences. Learning to meditate over the years one can evolve- practice gets deeper, and you reach new levels of inner peace and awareness. Letting go can be so hard and quite painful, but when you no longer perceive the world or people as hostile, there is no more fear, and when there is no more fear, you think, speak and act differently. Love and compassion arise, and this causes and effect goes beyond just us.
I feel my husband is a true hero as I have seen how hard this has been. Stephen's choice to allow the girls to go Kenya was a last minute decision and went against all logic and advice from family, friends and his lawyer. In my mind he gave up fear and produced the greatest love possible, allowing Alexis and Olivia to know peace.
Sometimes peace and love come with great sacrifice.
I smile on with a mothers love in my heart for Alexis and Olivia, admiring Emily (Alexis and Olivia's Mom) for her passion of life, not allowing herself to be held back and again remind myself we are all snowflakes with different purpose,direction and individuality.
at 10:49 PM