September 10, 2008

Where is King Solomon?

The ever so wise story of King Solomon. A Biblical story which is used to prove overwhelming wisdom in a bicker between "two mothers" fighting over a child.

Could this story that took place so long ago have been inspired for people now? A foresight of knowing how terrible divorce would plague this world and scar so many innocent children.

I struggle in my own life to share (what is most precious to me) our children with other parents. Not being with the children every day leaves an unbearable void. It takes a lot of self talk, compassion,love and surrounding myself with other peoples kids to ease that empty space in my heart each time the kids leave.

The reason I bring this story up is purely for the parallels I draw in my life and gather incredible strength when faced to share time and the back and forth of the kids.

Recently Emily went on a trip to Kenya. She came home with news of a great job opportunity for her and requested that the girls go with her. As you can imagine there was a stammer of shock for both Stephen, myself and anyone else that heard the idea. It seemed like the ultimate request and it has been hard to but this all into proper perspective.

The decision of Emily taking Alexis and Olivia to Kenya is not mine to make, thank goodness. I can see how the experience the girls could gain would be rich, but the price seems very high.

The recent decision to relinquish time that I felt (as Chandler's Mother) was rightfully mine to his Father and stepmother was painfully hard. But, I find peace in knowing that I do what I do for the love of my child.

You see, a parent who loves their child most is the one who wants sincerely what's best for their child, without excuses as to why and how it fills their own best interests and desires.

I've drawn to the conclusion that if a child can feel loved and wanted, then isn't this what is best? Children don't care about the details of divorce papers, which parent thinks they have the best home, or the most money, which parent can provide Ivy League education. Children crave peace, love, harmony and not to be put in the middle of parents at war, all in the name of "Them".

Chandler slid this piece of paper under my door one day after a battle with his Dad. I understood quickly what my son wanted me to know. The paper mimics a Chinese caricature I have framed in our home, it is the sign of peace and under the caricatures he wrote "peace makers today and forever". I hung this little message Chandler gave me so I would see it every day. It hangs in my bathroom with two band aides to represent how we as parents can get caught up in the "stupids" of life, not realizing the hurt we are inflicting on our children.

It be nice if King Solomon could resolve most custody battles so wise and quick, sort through the riff of what is best to do especially in this particular situation.

1 comment:

Michael J said...


Its amazing to me how insightful you are, and even more how considerate of your kids emotional well being as it relates to divorce.

Having suffered as we did, it pleases me to see you consciously trying to avoid the pains of split families- You Rock.