Sweat Pant Mom

I live at 402 Cranberry Hill Drive on a quiet street, in a quaint neighborhood.
The suburbs were Moms look picture pretty and still bake homemade cookies, pet owners walk their dogs with plastic baggies, groomed yards, husbands work shirts always pressed, tidy homes, children are raised on Mozart and eat all daily fruits and vegetables required. Kids sell lemonade and chase the ice cream truck.

Twas the start of summer for my children this week. I am the kind of Mom that lives for summer, I look forward to fun, a little learning and a lot of play. Oh, did I have a cheery vision planned...

8:00 Breakfast
8:30 Family Pow Wow (family group discussion, song, prayer and spiritual insight)
9:00 Grooming and Rooms
10:00 Chores
11:00 Mom's summer school program
12:30 Lunch
1:00 Activity or outing (something like hiking, swimming, sports, music lessons)
4:00 Social time (kids play with friends)
6:00 Dinner
7:30 Family walk to the park
9:00 Kids bed time

The reality of this schedule did come together, but not in the organized way it looks on paper.

My day starts right away and I feel lucky if get a shower in, dressed with hair and make up done before noon. Finding 30min of workout time is precious if I can get it, those 20lbs of baby fat I need to shed may just have to wait!

Breakfast. With a new baby my morning schedule revolves around Preston, I use to get up at 7:00am and start breakfast- this has become a rare occasion. Now it's fend for yourself.
Family Pow Wows consist of the pre-teens Chandler and Alexis rivaling for the position of power, eye rolls, kids that can't keep their hands to their selves.
I feel certain I sound like the teacher on Charlie Brown "WaaWaaa WaWaaa Waaa Waa" when I speak.

Chore time seems to be when the wicked witch flies in and the nagging begins to get household chores completed in a timely manner and done right. By the end of chore time I feel ready for a nap. It's more work to get kids to work than to do all task thrice over myself.

Our family walks sometimes mean chasing our dog Cidra, who escapes out of the back yard at times for her own "field trips."

At times laundry sits in the dryer wrinkling for days until I remember it's there and forget ironing. I send my husbands dress shirts out to the cleaners. I sometimes leave dinner dishes over night to tend to my young baby instead. I get my kids to lessons and bed late and a few times we have even had dinner at 8:00.

Needless to say after this week I am reevaluating my parenting priorities and the vision of my perfect summer, bye bye. The sweat pant Mom's I never understood. I have now stepped foot into her world and have come to realize I just can't do it all. My pride, perfection, vanity and glamor has taken the back seat for the time being. It's more important to let the less important things go and to embrace more meaningful time and moments with my kids. The challenge will be finding that harmonious balance.

Over Whelmed Sweat Pant Mom-

PAR 4

  One week ago today we brought home our newest little addition to the family Preston Alexander Roberts. A bouncing baby boy born March 31, 2010 Time 9:46 Weight 7.7 Height 19" Location Sandy,Utah Alta View Hospital Our family has so very anxiously awaited the arrival of Preston, he was born one week early. I went into labor about 4:00am on Wed morning and waited out the contractions until a little after 6:00am, I was still trying to decide if I truly was in labor or if I was having "false labor." Called my Mom and put her on standby and not five minutes after I called her at 6:00am there was no doubt it was time to head to the hospital. I woke Stephen by asking him what he had planned for the day, still fuzzy in the head from being aroused from his slumber, he seemed inquisitive as to why I would be asking him this question at 6:10 in the morning and I told him "We are having our baby today!"

Off to the hospital we went- after wrangling our dog who thought she would head out early too. Snow was falling and blanketed our town, we live only minutes from the hospital. I could hear Stephen's calming voice telling me to "breathe" as contractions timed two minutes apart. We checked in and minutes before 7:00 Dr. Later was there. I was determined to be tough and do this birth natural, pain got the best of me and I was convinced that an hour more of hard labor pains was way to intense, Dr. Later told me I did have time to do the Epidural and so I contemplated for only about a moment and decided the idea of minimizing the pain seemed glorious.

The epidural set in and two hours later at 9:46am the beautiful birth of our son took place. I was focused on my husband and heard him say in a very surprised voice "Oh my gosh there's his head!"


I marveled as I heard my son's first cry, so strong and sure. Stephen cut the umbilical cord with only brief hesitation and next thing I knew this little boy who had been apart of our family in a non revealing way and such a part of me for the past 9 months was finally here. Fist thing I noticed was his dark hair and so much of it, he was so perfect- the closest thing to heaven I was holding in my arms.
Joy filled my mommy heart as Stephen, our children and loved ones shared in such a once in a life time moment.

We are proud parents adding Preston Alexander Roberts to our family. Relatives have loved calling him PAR 4(he's the 4th child between us), scratch PAR (he had a scratch on his belly when he came out). I can't help but wonder if Stephen gave our son the name he gave him due to his love for golf, the name suites him well.

Thank you God for this special miracle in our life!

Help Wanted: Mother

As I am drawing near the end of my pregnancy I reflect on the most important job in the whole wide world.






Real Life Support for Moms
Help Wanted: Mother



Here’s a sampling of the job postings that would be needed to cover all women do for the children—and significant other adult—in your household.


NANNY: Patient, loving woman who requires limited sleep and adult interaction needed to care for child(ren) up to 24/7/365. Other duties include all those listed following this ad, as well as many not described herewith.

HOUSEKEEPER: Responsibilities include cleaning and tidying a family home several times daily. Must be available nights, weekends and overtime, and be willing to clean and tidy the same areas over and over and over again.

CHAUFFEUR: Driver needed to transport child(ren) to all activities beyond the domicile, including but not limited to school, sports, medical appointments, therapies, entertainment venues. Applicant must be skilled in defensive driving tactics and able to operate a vehicle safely regardless of the behavior of her passengers. Having extra-long arms is useful in this position, but not essential.

CHEF: Passable cooking and meal preparation skills needed for short-order establishment serving three full meals and filling dozens of beverage and snack orders per day, for both sit-down and To Go diners. The chef is also responsible for procuring and restocking meal supplies, serving the meals, all dish washing as well as the full cleaning of both the kitchen and multiple dining areas.

DOCTOR/NURSE: Health and first aid provider needed for pediatric and adult patients in a home-based environment. Responsibilities include making diagnosis, providing medical transportation, emergency care, administering treatments, medications and overall patient assistance, particularly as relates to bodily functions.

DENTAL HYGIENIST: Assistance needed in daily pediatric dental cleaning, teething-related pain management and occasional teeth-pulling.

TEACHER/COACH: Instructor wanted for child(ren) age newborn to adult for lessons related to academics, athletics and overall life skills. Position involves both one-on-one instruction and classes of mixed-age pupils.

PSYCHOLOGIST: Compassionate, wise and tolerant person needed to listen to the problems and concerns of young and aged household members.

WARDROBE MANAGER: Fashion- and bargain-savvy individual needed to acquire, alter, organize and maintain clothing and footwear for all members of a household, for all seasons.

DRESSER: Individual wanted to ensure that appropriate clothing is worn by all household members. Wrestling skills are useful, but can be developed.

LAUNDRESS: Help needed to clean and maintain various wardrobe collections.

CONCIERGE: Resourceful, problem-solving, people-person needed to fulfill the various desires of household members, including but not limited to arranging entertainment activities, making dining and traveling reservations, procuring gifts and meeting other needs as expressed.

EXECUTIVE SECRETARY: Organized person sought to handle all correspondence and interaction between the household and the outside world. Position involves extensive filing and record-keeping.

ADVOCATE: Protector and supporter required to represent and/or speak for household members either unable or unwilling to do so for themselves.

ENTERTAINER: Positive, upbeat person sought to keep household members happy. Applicant must possess diverse talents and be able to work with a variety of audiences and in a variety of situations.

"ESCORT": Attractive, enthusiastic, service-oriented woman needed, immediately, for intimate adult encounters. Creativity and experience required. (Though not too much experience.)

I found this on the Dr. Laura website and thought what a humorous way to show how important being a Mother and the center of home is. I know there are times I minimize the vast importance of being "just a Mom." What more VIP job could ever be served, honored and respected than raising and focusing on kids who will one day be mingling in society as adults. Many times I have had to remember that there is a time and a season for everything in life. Life-long goals, dreams and ambitions can still be accomplished after children are raised and many accomplishments can be completed while child rearing, may just require a slower pace.

I am ever thankful to my husband, Stephen for the value and support he places on me in my role of motherhood. I in return feel amazed by his(above and beyond)hard work for his family and no longer complain or nag about his laboring, long, hard hours. Although not always perfect, I focus hard to make the rest of his day pleasant when he walks in the door from a hard days work looking like work has taken life from him. A welcome home kiss, hot meal and refreshment, sometimes a bubble bath for two once kids are in bed and from time to time a massage- A small token for all he does and time sacrificed in his role as provider of our family.

Looking forward to growing our family together and now in our sixth year of marriage, our family anxiously awaits the arrival of our little boy. It has been so wonderful to see how delighted Alexis, Chandler and Olivia are about this little one. As parents, there is no greater joy than the happiness our children bring. Truly life's greatest treasure is family-

Lemonade and Love

Through self-discovery and parenting as our children are slowly starting to transition into pre-teen, it has become such a prevalent reality how important choices are and to help children select in their own choices(with-in reason). My hypothesis is that self choices aid confidence in their own decision making abilities and builds children's belief of self.



I have been experimenting with trying to create choices and finding proper balance is a challenge.

Education? Church? Social expectation?
These are areas easy to inflict our own personal beliefs and insistently push, I understand this will definitely be a constant work in progress.

I found myself explaining to one of our children about making life whatever we choose to make it, we can choose to make life sweet or sour(bitter). As cliche as it may sound I did use the "lemonade" analogy. The moment seemed so right and I openly admit I have had to draw on this thought much my self the past few months.

A bushel of lemons showed up on our doorstep last year, I had no choice but to bring them in. I sliced them, squeezed,juiced all by hand. A little of that acidic juice caught a open cut in my soul and burned- Yes, I did complain and I sulked. Tried to take a break, but my ethic wouldn't let me until the job was done.

Once all the lemons where juiced and tossed I had a lovely stock. Thinking I was done I poured a cup to taste. Oooh, it did look good! Instantly I winced, my eyes squint shut and my lips pursed, so bitter and tart. I had been deceived by the sweet looking fruit. I don't keep much sugar on hand, used what I had and procrastinated my venture out for more. It took much more sugar than I accounted for, and still adding.

Life is amazing, thank you God for the growth I gain from lifes lemons. The choice is always mine whether to drink a sweet or bitter cup of lemonade.

PS: Sweet is better!

Is Santa Real?

Most would agree that Christmas is such a magical and wonderful time year.

People light up with the spirit of giving (some over indulge in gift giving part, go observe "Black Friday" and you'll see what I mean).

Suburbs come to life with showcases of lights in all spectacular colors. Imagination creates windows, lawns,trees and homes with dreams of Christmas fantasy.
Neighbors meet and greet with baked goods, candles, caroling songs on door steps as a token of friendship.

The homeless and needy are taken care of by thousands of donations and willfully given dollar amounts provide meals,gifts,clothes and a chance. Humanity lives on in our benevolent acts!

Infamous Christmas songs and stories read to our children instills humility, peace,charity and the sentimental meaning of Christmas.

There is a question on the tongue of every child, and every child does ask...
"Is Santa real"? "Are Angels real"?

If you believe in the magic of Christmas spirit, then Santa is real
He's only real as long as you believe.

Angels too exist, they walk among us every day and some are lucky and blessed to be touched by one.

Angels and Saints come in human form they are those who do good and bless the lives of others, once you have been touched by an Angel or Saint you will know and always believe.

Simple Thing Where Have You Gone?

Some find the root of human spirituality is grounded not only in God, but also in the four elements God created—earth, water, fire, and air. The elements are common, they can be the keys to spiritual understanding. Elements can can help re-connect and give a sense of personal fulfillment.

I am one that believes in linking elements to the soul, I discovered years ago that my element without doubt is water. I love being out on the water, sitting by a stream or on a beach watching the endless patterns. Water is so refreshing, cleansing, soothing, calming, relaxing and luring and when I am in this element my mind becomes clear and I learn, discover, find answers.

I took Chandler out to the lake today we sat on the sand and just watched the water wash the shoreline, reminding myself what carefree feels like.

Stresses of life can creep up so easily and bog us down.

(Click on the blog title "Somewhere only we know" will play. I love this song and find deep meaning in it)

In Gus We Trust

When my siblings and I where teens my Dad acquired a nickname, I am sure he never intended to stick. My Dad having a great sense of humor and enjoying pranks would leave the alias name "Gus" at restaurants or other public places where they did not know him and would use trucker lingo or pretend he had a silly accent of some sort. We children all thought the self appointed name was so funny and we started calling him "Gus" too.

Now, being the road trip/cycling family we where during biking season we decided one year for Father's Day to embellish the Ford Explorer with a licence plate frame that read "In Gus we trust." Indeed we placed a great amount of trust in my Dad. My dad was a single Dad, who did the best I've seen any Dad do. After working a hard day of work, he always made it priority to spend time with us, he took time to build a relationship with us, encouraged us in all we pursued and gently but firmly would scold us in a loving way if we got off tack. Dad, was even welcoming towards our friends- He stocked a fridge in the garage just for us and our friends full of frozen pizzas, ice cream treats and other teen junk food delights. You can imagine where all our friends wanted to hang out, they loved our Dad too. My Dad did his best to make sure we were not delinquents and that we were accountable for doing jobs, follow through and taking care of one another. And most importantly we knew he cared.

Children seek great comfort and stability in their parents, as an adult I have come to realize how much I still lean on my parents for council and guidance, even if it is not always verbal, children are always watchful of parents.



This past week my father told me he had been diagnosed with cancer. The dreaded words you wish never to hear, that someone you love has cancer. My heart sank and trying to hold back the tears to be tough for my Dad, it was no use those tears rolled anyway. My father looked at me and said... "Don't you cry for me. I am a happy man. I have lived a great life. I have built a great relationship with each of you kids and I have a been a part of each of my grandchildren's lives. And I am good with God. What more could a man ask for?" His crystal blue eyes inspired love, truth and hope, he would not let me pity him in any way- for he was at peace. Ten years the cancer has been unknown and growing. I love my Dad for being so strong,holding on to faith and being so positive toward something so challenging. What a great example my Dad is.

My father has planned a trip with each of kids before he goes in for the surgery to remove as much of the cancer that can be removed. I will embrace each memory of my Dad and will continue to remember that... "In Gus we trust."

Princess Happy Home

Yesterday was a much anticipated day for Stephen,Chandler, myself and many family members. Alexis and Olivia arrived home after a being in Kenya with their Mom. What a joyful and happy moment seeing their faces after six months.

I have been so very excited to hear of their adventures and new experiences, what they saw and what they ate, the culture they were apart of for half of a year.

Alexis and Olivia have lived in a place I have dreamed of visiting since I was eight years old. As a child I would watch the television charity fund raising promotions for the starving children in Africa and vowed I would one day help those kids. Seeing wanting children struck such a heart felt emotion.

Alexis and Olivia have gained so much by this small piece of life experience, and I know at this age they can never fully understand what a treasure they gained. The girls are very happy to be home, a feeling anyone who has lived abroad can appreciate.

When Alexis was in 2nd grade during Thanksgiving they had a Indian and Pilgrim dinner. Alexis was designated as an Indian, the children designed paper fashioned clothing. Upon picking up kids after school, Alexis appeared wearing a Indian headpiece that displayed "Princess Happy Home" in her own handwriting. She was so delighted about the events of the day and her self appointed Indian name "Princess Happy Home". Alexis is indeed a princess and happy to be home.

We are all so very elated to have our girls home!

Making of a HERO

From boy to man I watch you grow, as you shape into the man you are destine to become.

As you select heroes of your boyhood choice, you pick heroes due to their strengths, the strengths and character you wish to take on.

Mind you... there are heroes who are among us even in our every day lives, never looking for glory or praise. They don't seek recognition for their thoughtful and caring ways. Heroes live lives of deep commitment, providing for those they hold dear. Steadfast with a quiet strength through times of laughter and tears. A hero is bold and brave in times of need.





Strong, humble, protective, brave, committed, kind to all.
You see my son, you too are learning what it takes to be a true hero.

Give Said The Little Stream

“Give,” said the little stream,
“Give, oh! give, give, oh! give.”
“Give,” said the little stream,
As it hurried down the hill;
“I’m small, I know, but wherever I go
The fields grow greener still.”

Chorus
Singing, singing all the day,
“Give away, oh! give away.”
Singing, singing all the day,
“Give, oh! give away.”

“Give,” said the little rain,
“Give, oh! give, give, oh! give.”
“Give,” said the little rain,
As it fell upon the flow’rs;
“I’ll raise their drooping heads again,”
As it fell upon the flow’rs.

Give, then, as Jesus gives,
Give, oh! give, give, oh! give.
Give, then, as Jesus gives;
There is something all can give.
Do as the streams and blossoms do:
For God and others live.






The morning of May 14, 2009 My sister and friend, Lisa passed from this life to the next. As the mourning for her loss filled my heart, this was the song entered my mind. I remember as a child this was a song Lisa and I both loved, being young I never understood what it really meant. The meaning of the song truly came to life for me over the past few days.

How a simple song can have such meaning…
Lisa too taught in simple ways,
Lisa taught by perfect example of what it was to be happy and giving. It was little things that would put a big beaming smile on her face or cause her to laugh.

I made a list of the things that made Lisa most happy, how simple this list is.

1.Lisa LOVED doing dishes, yes this is factual ask anyone of my family members. She would get so excited about doing dishes when she would come to our house, and feel some disappointment if there were no dishes or if I insisted doing them. Maybe it was more about the service and her gift to you that she loved more than anything. This most recent week she was coming to stay for several days, so to please her I went out and bought her a whole thing of dish soap for her to use as much as she would like, she was so tickled.



2.Birthday’s, Lisa looked forward to her birthday more than anything else in the whole year and would start her count down from January all the way to her birthday in Dec. sometimes growing up my Mom would have a birthday for her in the summer, just because she loved her birthday so much. Also, Lisa may not have remembered your name, but she could always remember your birthday.

3.Crayons and LOTS and LOTS of paper, just plain paper. She would draw and color for hours as part of her daily routine. Her drawings were always made with happy thought and for the people she loved most. It was clear by her drawings of rainbows, flowers, trees, and our extra tall portraits that she was surrounded by a lot of love and saw the world as a beautiful place. Months ago I tucked this one away knowing that there would soon be a day this would be a great treasure. Again, another way she served with love, in her special way.

4. Lisa could never fully read, but she loved her scriptures and would try so hard to learn and study them. I believe full-hearted she can now read and that there will be so much for her to communicate to me when I see her again. If the scriptures were so cherished and important to her, maybe that’s something for me to think about.

5.Church, anytime Lisa would stay at our house she would bring her church clothes and ask me if we were going to church. Lisa loved church, especially Primary. The last Sunday she was here on Earth, I felt impressed to go with Jason and Jessica to the church, also where Lisa attended. It was Mother’s day and all the darling primary children got up to sing and there in the middle of the entire primary Lisa stood out like an angel. My heart smiled warmly as I watched her, she could not sing all the words but her spirit shone so bright.

Lisa did give o’ give like the little stream, she was small but wherever she went life grew sweeter still. Lisa’s heart sang all day long with happiness for life and the people she loved. Lisa your mission here was great and from you we learn many life lessons, yes there is something all can give.

PS- Save me a spot in heaven and make sure they let me through the Pearly Gates. I Love You!

Petals and Madame Butterfly

My sister and I had a chance to see Madame Butterfly, an outstanding performance.

As the opening introduction took place I was so enthralled, never had I seen ballet performed in such a modern and abstract way. Brilliant costume colors and dramatic body movements,lively shadows danced like a silk scarf in the wind- all so oddly clever.

The ballet always gives me the sensation of chills. The only thing I can explain, is that it feels such a part of me as I watch the beauty of the dancers and hear the music of orchestra. I feel so moved...

As I watched the stage and the young and graceful dancers, I took notice of the old woman dozing off to sleep in the seat beside me. Most attendees in the audience were of senior age. I sat in my velvet seat in the ornate theater. The story of Madame Butterfly began to unfold in such a way, it came to life. My breath was shallow and I dared not blink. I discovered depth and meaning in this story and my surrounding. I couldn't help but to formulate thoughts.

Each stage of life is like a blooming flower- from a tender bud springs an incredible bloom, soon to become wilting petals that eventually fall.

Youth goes from barley a bud, to a graceful bloom, gently fragile petals will age and fleet.

Creating a family, children grow as precious dainty buds, with careful pruning and shaping they bloom. And then with time they flutter windward like petals in a warm Summer breeze.

Talents, love, religion, careers, wealth all follow suite but, each time old petals fall new buds sprout and blooms array constant within.

Winter Fud? That's Me!

The past five years that I have lived in Utah, I shutter at the thought of going out in the cold. Living in warm climate places such as Arizona, Hawaii and Brazil have spoiled me to the point that I have a hard time enjoying cold. I use to ski, snow shoe, camp in snow caves, loved to sled, and enjoyed other various winter activities- now I just hibernate indoors like a bear waiting the long winter out.

I over came being a winter fud and felt the need to get outdoors. I bundled up as warm as I could, put on a babushka shapka and ventured out to stomp around in the snow and brush up on my target practice.

Watch out Annie Oakley-

Snowflakes

This past week Alexis and Olivia left for an extended time to go to Kenya with their Mom. It's been a growing time for both Stephen and myself as a couple. The night they left I came home and Stephen and I started shoveling snow, I think it was more to take our mind off of the hard emotions we were left with in saying good bye. As we finished our task, and Stephen went in, I diligently stayed and continued with my chore and my thoughts. I looked up to view the snow that fell upon me, I wondered "why?" then realized that the each flake that fell was symbolic of how people are- each so unique, we all have our own direction, place and purpose.

It was not easy to see the girls leave, but I think back to my childhood years spent in disharmony as my parents battled 4 years over the custody of children, and the divorce reality between Chandler's Dad and myself. In careful observation I have come to realize that children are not possessions, we don't own our children, they shouldn't be toyed with as if an object, and it is easy to lose sight of that during divorce differences. Learning to meditate over the years one can evolve- practice gets deeper, and you reach new levels of inner peace and awareness. Letting go can be so hard and quite painful, but when you no longer perceive the world or people as hostile, there is no more fear, and when there is no more fear, you think, speak and act differently. Love and compassion arise, and this causes and effect goes beyond just us.

I feel my husband is a true hero as I have seen how hard this has been. Stephen's choice to allow the girls to go Kenya was a last minute decision and went against all logic and advice from family, friends and his lawyer. In my mind he gave up fear and produced the greatest love possible, allowing Alexis and Olivia to know peace.

Sometimes peace and love come with great sacrifice.


I smile on with a mothers love in my heart for Alexis and Olivia, admiring Emily (Alexis and Olivia's Mom) for her passion of life, not allowing herself to be held back and again remind myself we are all snowflakes with different purpose,direction and individuality.

Christmas 08

Christmas Shoes- Gifts from the heart

I had heard the song "Christmas Shoes" for the first time this year and as I listened to the words, a lump in my throat formed and the tears could not be held back. Struck with such emotion I realized it had been quite some time since I had been touched with the spirit of Christmas in this way, through this touching story.


a young boy's mother who is terminally ill (the result of heart failure), the boy tries to get a pair of Christmas shoes for her before his mother dies, and diligently collects empty cans to raise the money to purchase beautiful shoes.


On Christmas Eve the little boy rushes to a local shoe store to buy the perfect pair of shoes for his mother...






A little boy waiting anxiously
Pacing around like little boys do
And in his hands he held
A pair of shoes

And his clothes were worn and old
He was dirty from head to toe
And when it came his time to pay
I couldn't believe what I heard him say

Sir I wanna buy these shoes for my Momma please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry Sir?
Daddy says there's not much time
You see, she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus, tonight.

He counted pennies for what seem like years
And cashier says son there's not enough here
He searched his pockets franticly
And he turned and he looked at me
He said Momma made Christmas good at our house
Though most years she just did without
Tell me Sir
What am I gonna do?
Some how I’ve got to buy her these Christmas shoes

You can sense the boy must be so distraught, a stranger recognizes the emotion of the boy and gives the remaining money needed to complete the purchase. The child is thus able to buy the shoes for his mother and runs home in a haste to give them to her before she dies.

The story to many people teaches the meaning of Christmas that it is not just about the presents, it's about other people, giving them the best Christmas and caring about them.



















Gifts from the heart are the most memorable and most cherished.

For the Love of New York

I had long awaited my first travels to the great city of New York years ago. And when I finally slipped into a New York taxi all I had imagined this grand city to be, it suddenly all came to life. As I walked the ever so crowded streets, I felt like I was swimming in a concrete sea with multitudes of pedestrians clustered like schools of fish. Looking up towards the sky and viewing all the towering buildings over head a sudden sensation of what it was to be swallowed into the belly of this big city rushed me, I realized how very small I was.

New York has a way of penetrating all senses. Exquisite taste that touch your tongue, the pastries of New York unlike any other, the cultural variation of food and world renowned restaurants is so delightful. The smells of the city reek of street vendors and their treats, luring you in for a famous New York hot dog or fragrant sugar/cinnamon coated almonds. Every window passed has something most pleasing to the eye, with bazaar and glamorous fashions, unique and blaring jewelry, artistic works of glass, wood, paint and clay and not to mention the commotion of lights Time Square displays in such a robust and unforgettable manner. The sounds that the city pumps can only be described as "busy" and never resting.

How I love New York City, the upscale stores, the museums and theaters, night life, the whole song and dance, the antics of people, the deep rich history- I am on sensory overload the whole time I am there. Grasping to capture and hold this city, I have found it belongs solely to itself, much to vibrant and mad to be held.

















Kids in their souvenir shirts, doing their New York Vogue poses

















One of our frequented spots when we go to NYC is the Stage Deli the pastrami sandwiches are the best and the cheese cake is unbelievably sensational

















Stephen and I enjoyed a fun filled day at the Metropolitan Museum


















The store displays during the holiday season is phenomenal to see this is in the store of Anthropologie

Any Time Of The Year

Thanksgiving is such a heart warming time of year. It becomes the time when the holiday cheer begins to morph, when fall transitions into winter.

Chandler, Alexis and Olivia have all been very observant of the Thanksgiving holiday and have noted well what it is they are thankful for. The words mentioned in their prayers express a deeper gratitude, A sure sign of maturing children. The things they are grateful for taken to paper in form of art work, a poem or kind letter. Each child so unique in their gifts, talents and spirit.

Tomorrows day of Thanksgiving will not be shared with the kids. In a way I will miss the busy ordeal of preparing a grand dinner together as a family, I know how much Alexis and Olivia enjoy helping in the kitchen. The ordinary holiday rituals and traditions will not be celebrated in the same way- Stephen and I are heading to Mimi's Restaurant, we will hit the movie theater and then get ready for our departure to New York the following day.

I have come to realize over the years that the actual day of the holiday is not all that important. Christmas and Thanksgiving can be any day we choose, as frequent as we wish. These holidays are symbolic and represent a spirit we continually grow throughout the year and throughout life. And when a family meal is prepared and we all gather round the table, bow our heads and give thanks continually for all we have been blessed with, this is when life feels so abundant. I look to the faces that surround me as we converse about the day or week and I take a few minutes to pause and learn who my family really is and what a treasure I possess.

Stephen asked me the other day "when do you feel most happy?" With out hesitation I know what is most precious to me, it is the time when we as a blended family are ALL together, this is when I feel most happy. Taking advantage of building a lasting relationship with sprouting kids who within a blink of an eye be fully grown.

Yes, I have learned a family can create Thanksgiving or the spirit of Christmas in the home as often as wished, I really believe this.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING-

Free Bird to Zion

Saturday morning I woke about 6:00am, with a wild hair idea. I was going to pack the kids and do something spontaneous. I have been feeling a stir within, feeling the monotony of life enslaving me to the daily grind, not that my life is bad in any way- you just get in those ruts where life becomes so routine. I was determined to bust free of the feelings I had become consumed in, I was going to fly like a free bird. I didn't know where I was going, but I was going to find a place to perch in solitude. Some place where I could meditate and discover the air that makes me feel free.

So after some thought, I picked Zion National Park. Utah has some incredibly scenic and diverse terrain and this is my favorite park in Utah. The kids and I rushed to finish household chores and packed a overnight pack, stopped to get the oil changed, tires pressure checked and headed south for the next 24 hours. I booked a cabin in the park so we could take full advantage of our scenic trip. The selling point for the cabin resort was that they had buffalo on site. I knew the kids would go silly over this idea, and they did. Chandler packed his soft air gun and pocket knife convinced he was going to hunt a buffalo.

We arrived to our cabin feeling a little worn out from what I thought was going to only be a four hour journey, but ended up being six hours- after several pit stops, a sit down dinner and me trying to drive and navigate at the same time. By 6:30 we had made it to the park and now to find our cabin, this became a real challenge. Zion is a good size park and I was not really sure where this cabin was. No cell phone, but the kids helped navigate by reading me the directions I had printed off before hand. Chandler and Alexis were fretting in the back, convinced we were lost and that we may drive off a cliff or hit a dear. Olivia was in the very back reading her book, not even phased by the whole episode of the two older children. We made it to our nicely furnished cabin by about 7:00pm. Usually I would be against the Idea of watching movies while we were there to enjoy nature but, I selfishly admit I had started the ever so trendy Twilight book and wanted to sink into it.

The next morning we woke up around 7:00 and got ready for a day of hiking, adventure and lots of picture taking. The kids ran down to observe the buffalo and wild life while I finished getting ready. We had breakfast at the Buffalo Grill. As we ate our breakfast, we could look out from our window view and see the endless meadow full of roaming buffalo.

After a nice breakfast the kids picked up a souvenir at the gift shoppe, they all picked out arrowhead necklaces. Then Alexis, Chandler and Olivia played pioneers and Indians.




Rode in a covered wagon











Olivia rode a buffalo









Alexis "Princess Happy Home" (her Indian given name in 2nd grade) writing Indian hieroglyphics









and Chandler was still scheming how he was going to bring home a buffalo





After some fun play we headed for the trails and drove the scenic peaceful roads of Zion. No ipods, no games, no cell phones allowed during the time we were in Zion. My hope was with out distractions, the kids could really enjoy the serene and phenomenal surroundings that encompassed us.

The kids became quite animated about some of their observations. The wild life we saw, the brilliant colors that looked as though angels had used water colors to paint the evolving scenery.















Life tasted so sweet, my soul felt free and a compilation of a vibrant memory has been built, tucked and saved.


Mark Twain gave good advice: "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

A great motto to live by-

Being True To Ourselves

Over a month ago I took a job working in Salt Lake as a Sales Consultant. I was excited for various reasons. I purchased new clothes, shined my shoes, dusted off my laptop and stepped into a whole new class. Oh, did it feel liberating- Being at home full time, doing the daily grind- one may some times feel taken for granted. At work people recognize and reward hard work. Stephen and I would now share household duties and errands, involvement and responsibility with the kids would be divided more equally between Stephen and myself. I had it all worked out.

I was on the run. In a sense I knew by immersing myself into a satisfying job I would be able to dodge the heart ache and void I was feeling from the girls leaving to go to Kenya soon and the nagging pain I feel by splitting parent time with Chandler's father. From the time I was a little girl in pig tails I dreamt about being a "Mom" I didn't dream of being a career woman of any type. I would twirl about singing this dreamy song...

When I grow up I want to be a mother and have a family. One little, two, little three little babies of my own. And I will cuddle them when things go wrong and give them cookies with milk and yellow balloons.

I may not have the lyrics right and remember the whole song now, but the idea of the song created such a fantasy in my girlish mind. And now as a grown woman I find that I am grasping for the vision I created long a go.

Many years ago when Stephen and I married I made a promise to Alexis, Chandler and Olivia. A promise to ease the insecurity of the children's worries that come from divorce. I promised them that family would always come first. Olivia, who is most verbal in expressing her words reminded me of this, like a sting to my heart I could not deny that indeed, these were my words I had spoke with meaningful truth. Stephen was unhappy with the idea of me being out of the home, but when I heard it from my children, how could I take back my promise?

I came home from the grocery store today and had purchased a turkey for our Sunday dinner. The children are usually very kind to help put away groceries. Stephen asked Chandler to put the turkey out in the garage, sounds strange but is a great place to cold store a turkey this time of the year. Chandler's remarks "oh, so you want me to put the turkey in our food storage?" Presently we keep all our food storage out in the garage. It was pretty darn funny. Chandler- is still enjoying his BMX, it moves to a indoor track during the winter and he is really looking forward to the snow, getting out on his Dad's new invention the "snow bike." Also, this week Chandler's parent/teacher conference took place and it comes as no surprise that he had a very outstanding report. I really liked his poem about "Chandler Bear" a nick name I gave Chandler when he was a infant. There is a story behind this nick name.

Olivia- has been diagnosed with celiac disease, so it has been a very interesting to try and watch every label. It is going to take much more thought in meal planning and take a little getting use to the change. She had friends over for dinner tonight and one of her favorite meals is spaghetti, when you have celiac pasta is off the menu. We have quickly come to discover there are plenty of grocery stores and health food stores that carry great gluten free breads, pastas, treats, cereals and much more so this life change doesn't have to be to much of a challenge.

Alexis- Started basketball skills at Open Court and really has great ambition for the sport. We played ball a few months ago as a family and Alexis had a buried talent hidden, just waiting to be discovered. Alexis is also mastering her math skills. She challenges me most every day with her intelligence-

Halloween

Halloween- The spookiest night of the year. You may see a luchador, alien, pup dog, biker babe or even Super girl.
For this is the time it all beings...

The rule of front porch stoops. Here they gather to giggle and taunt. Ringing doorbells, shouting "Trick or Treat," Only to be appeased by something sweet. Greedily they grab handfuls of candy, Stuffing it in sacks they always keep handy. The creatures then, vanish as quickly as they came, To torment others with their silly game. Midnight comes, the "witching hour," The sweets are sorted, ready to devour. In a short time, the candy has vanished, Into stomachs totally famished. Soon the creatures begin to moan, All that sugar making them groan. Slowly they crawl into their beds, Pulling the blankets over their heads.



We also celebrated Grandpa Gus's Birthday


Cake Melaine Made










The Birthday Dad
























Pussy cat and "Money" the Mexican Luchador





A cute puppy dogs





The busy, flirty lady bug





Halloween Witch and Zoro


















"Wendy" the burger girl and Police Officer
















Buns and Guns